i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Everything about him screamed your future.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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