He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
