the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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