so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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