This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
