ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just high enough for therapy.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
