Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
