If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
