I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
