Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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