It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
