I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i think my mom watched the whole time
the condom got lost in my hair
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
