Will you blow on my dice?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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