OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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