I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
