Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
