he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
