I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
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