i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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