OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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