You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
