so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He keeps bees of course he's weird
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
