how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
