He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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