also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
