Sorry, I don't speak sober.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
