dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You were trust falling into bushes
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