i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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