It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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