he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
