dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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