drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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