We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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