I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
