she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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