gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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