He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
