alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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