so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
