Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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