I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
