Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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