Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
