Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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