put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She bit a glass in half.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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