I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
