fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
