I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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