Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
