Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
