i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
