he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
