I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
